I spent my morning trying to write some music, getting grumpier and grumpier. First I can’t settle on the sounds I want. Then, when I hear something really interesting, the controller I want to use doesn’t communicate with the software properly. So I switch to another controller but decide it’s too awkward, and maybe I should write the bass line out in my notation software. I try setting that up but cannot get the sound I’ve chosen to respond. I … Read the rest
I wonder why I am so convinced that a tree makes noise if it falls in a forest even though no one might be there to hear. On the other hand, if I say something out loud, in words or music, and no one reads or listens, I am not nearly so convinced.
Expression of my own ideas in writing or music does bring a kind of satisfaction and release. It’s afterwards, once the idea exists outside my mind, that … Read the rest
“Left to myself…”, a phrase that keeps running through my mind.
Left to myself I would keep myself happily occupied with music, writing, eating, reading, learning, enjoying life.
I realize that “left to myself” implies I’m being browbeaten, hassled by forces outside my control, obligated to do things I’d rather not, at least not just now. I was thinking how charming it can be to overhear a child’s conversation with itself as it plays…”now the bunny is going inside the … Read the rest
I wanted to give myself time off from writing this morning as a reward for getting through some difficult moments yesterday, but here I am. It’s funny how thinking about a blank page intimidates and burdens me. I think of the pressure to “get it right”, whatever “it” is and think, nah, not up for that, and yet in between browsing, I open up the word processing software, and look what happens.
For my music at the moment, the longer … Read the rest