I spent my morning trying to write some music, getting grumpier and grumpier. First I can’t settle on the sounds I want. Then, when I hear something really interesting, the controller I want to use doesn’t communicate with the software properly. So I switch to another controller but decide it’s too awkward, and maybe I should write the bass line out in my notation software. I try setting that up but cannot get the sound I’ve chosen to respond. I consider going back to my DAW and use its looping function instead but I hate the feeling of being restricted to a loop, and I throw up my hands, stymied.
I’m trying to write a piece on spec. I figure it should be a piece of cake. But I realize that the sounds that I am being asked to use do not appeal to me at all. And I guess something inside me is throwing up all kinds of obstacles to say “Don’t do it!” At least, that’s what it feels like.
I thought I could easily knock off a little 3 minute piece in a new age, meditative style with my hands tied behind by back and still have time to watch the first IPL playoff. But no. Nothing is co-operating this morning. When I complain to Nick, he asks “have you written any words yet this morning?”
And here I am. Why should not expressing myself in words prevent my music from working? Really, they’re both forms of self-expression. But, I see the one has to do with expectations from others, judgement and possible rejection. Maybe I have to get my day started first before I can expose my inner ideas to the scrutiny of others. Sort of gee myself up, or maybe, climb into my identity, strengthen any little weakening patches before taking on the world.
But then you’d think writing words would be subject to the same difficulty.
Interesting, n’est-ce pas?
I’ll try writing words first tomorrow, before the music, and see how that goes.
#writer’s block #music composing #obstacles #creativity #music software