I’m still ruminating over yesterday’s discovery that I prefer to present myself in writing rather than on the phone.
Thinking specifically about the work email I was sending, I think I come across more competently, generously and perhaps with more authority in the written rather than the spoken word. I feel I can communicate what I really mean, avoiding being sidetracked by someone else’s interjections. The other person may joke, or sound too busy, and immediately I change my approach to fit in, or attract their attention to my request.
I realize I’m trying to present my case quickly, succinctly and positively, hoping for an equally quick, succinct and positive response. The part of the communication that involves getting to know the other person, allowing for true dialogue and maybe even for things to occur that I hadn’t thought of, that part doesn’t really interest me. At least, it doesn’t interest me in the work sense. I just want to get my job done. Chore accomplished, cross it off my list and move on.
And yet what is it I’m looking for every morning when I check my various news feeds? Meaningful comments and things I don’t know or expect that will help me understand life. So is it that I want to receive information only in this careful, formal way of text? No, because I enjoy watching documentaries. But those too, are formally laid out, following a text-based script presenting evidence, argument and proof in a logical manner.
I know I’m fearful that in a live conversation I might say something I’ll regret later. But that can happen in print as well.
There’s a control issue here. I’ve micromanaged enough annoyed people to know I have a problem with liking to tell people what to do. Maybe I think doing things by writing slows down communication enough where I can control my bad habits more easily. But I still long for the surprising, the unlooked for. And how many thousands of live conversations with Nickolas have I enjoyed, especially when they revealed something for which I did not know I was searching?
Okay, awareness is the first step and now I’m aware. But what to do with it? I’m not ready to give up the comfort of writing just to like, talk to everyone!!!!
(I can hear whispers…in denial!)